When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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