why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
