We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
