why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
