Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
