The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
