I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
