my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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