i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
