Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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