IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
