PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
