I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
worst night to have a conscience
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
