Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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