We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
