Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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