I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
