i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
