Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
