I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I AM VODKA MAN
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
