if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
