wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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