My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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