Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
