I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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