In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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