And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
