Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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