We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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