Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
