We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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