But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Damn victory sex feels great
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