the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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