did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
