Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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