I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
