i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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