He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
