That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
