So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize