Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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