spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
