Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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