cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
