wrigley field is MILF paradise
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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