Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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