omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize