I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
