Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
