i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize