Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
