fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So vagazzling was a success
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
