I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
