I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
