we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
