I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
