I looked at my own cervix.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
