we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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