I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize