omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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