so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
