He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
As shirtless as possible
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
