dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
