My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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