I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
