One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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