So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
