Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
