Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
