I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
