I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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