In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
