just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
